On Parenting: Raise Adults Not Children
Part 11 of 11 on Parenting Principles
One of the most important leadership principles that I’ve learned over the years is to begin with the end in mind. When it comes to parenting this might be the most true thing. I was talking parenting one day with a friend and he said, “You know Dan, we’re not raising children, we are raising adults.” My friend put into words, so succinctly, what we had already been pursuing. I don’t think that Amy and I realized that had been the driving principle in our parenting but now that we had words for it, we have shared this with anyone who will listen.
On Parenting: Model Your Principles
Part 10 of 11 on Parenting Principles
Do as I say, not as I do.
Raise your hand if you’ve heard that one. There is a lot of talk about just about everything. This series of articles on parenting included. It’s all talk.
Talk. Talk. Talk.
On Parenting: Don't Make Excuses
Part 9 of 11 on Parenting Principles
I think the biggest trap that we fall into as parents is the trap of making excuses for our kids. My mom was a teacher for decades. During her time as a teacher she saw a shift occur from parents holding their children responsible for their actions to blaming the teacher. This shift is very damaging. Why? If we don’t hold our children responsible for their actions we are stunting their growth into adulthood.
On Parenting: Have Expectations
Part 8 of 11 on Parenting Principles
After my parents divorce I will never forget something that my mom told us over and over: You will not be a statistic. She never let us use the fact that our parents were divorced as an excuse to do poorly in school or misbehave. My dad would often talk to us about how people knew our last name and that what we did reflected on the family business. My parents had expectations for my brothers and I. Amy’s (my wife) parents had similar expectations for her and her sisters. There was an expectation of hard work, commitment, and the pursuit of excellence.
On Parenting: Experience Over Stuff
Part 7 of 11 on Parenting Principles
Keeping up with the Jones' is one of the single greatest temptations that we face as parents. Someone always has the nicer car, the nicer house, or the better toys for their kids. Early on in our parenting Amy and I decided that we were going to choose experiences over stuff for our family. We have learned that this was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
On Parenting: Speak With Them
Part 6 of 11 on Parenting Principles
There is this great video that circulates on social media every so often. It is a dad and his son sitting on the couch watching a show. The little boy is probably about a year old. The two of them are having an in depth conversation about whatever it is they are watching. It’s absolutely hilarious and adorable. The little guy is babbling and the dad is responding to him. Their conversation is absolutely brilliant.
On Parenting: Be Consistent
Part 5 on Parenting Principles
Shortly after Ethan was born a couple from the church we were attending invited us over to their home for lunch. The purpose was to sit around and talk parenting. They were significantly further down the road than we were. We did lunch a good handful of times and it was really helpful for Amy and I.
On Parenting: Extend Grace
Part 4 of 11 on Principles of Parenting
I don’t remember the details of what happened. Ethan was probably five or six. What I do remember is that he was disobedient. Whatever it was that he did, Amy and I were angry about it. I am sure I raised my voice and sent him to his room.
On Parenting: Ask For Forgiveness
Part 3 of 11 on Parenting Principles
My son, Ethan, had been driving for a while. Like modern parents do, we had put an app on his phone called Life 360 to track his whereabouts and keep an eye on his driving. One day we were hanging out at the neighborhood pool with friends. When our daughter, Libby, arrived at the pool she said she had seen Ethan with a bunch of friends in his car driving silly. That was particularly odd since Ethan was supposed to be at a girl’s home eating dinner with her family. I pulled out my handy dandy phone and saw that he was exactly where we expected him to be.
On Parenting: Their Sin is Not Your Sin
Part 2 of 11 of Parenting Principles
When you have your first kid, everyone, and I mean everyone, gives you advice. You get advice from the lady in the grocery store and the man behind you in line at the movie theater. Wherever you go, advice rolls in.
On Parenting: A Warning and An Encouragement
Part 1 of 11 on Parenting Principles
Any time that I ask people what they want me to write about, almost always the topic of parenting comes up. A few years ago I wrote a little article with ten principles that have shaped our parenting. So, I thought it might be helpful to flesh out some of these ideas in their own posts.
Engage...
The Spiritual Practices of Engagement
Spiritual practice is about preparing us to #LoveWell. These practices include practices of abstinence and practices of engagement. We can align these ideas with Jesus telling his followers to deny themselves and take up their cross daily (Mark 8:34-38). The practices of abstinence are how we practice denying ourselves. The second kinds of practices are those of engagement, the taking up of our cross.
Chastity, Secrecy, and Sacrifice...
The disciplines and practices of abstinence are designed to help us grow in our ability to know contentment and trust. They press us toward self-sacrifice. These practices are what we use to “deny ourselves.” They are counter-cultural and difficult to practice because they go against everything that is within us.
Wait, wait...
Amy and I were raising support to join the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru) and living in Mount Pleasant, MI. I had just graduated from Central Michigan University and we were excited about our future. But, we had to raise some serious cash. When you’re a missionary with Cru you have to develop all of the financial support to provide for yourself and your family. So, we decided to do what any good evangelical would, we committed to fasting for a time.
Deny Yourself...Wait, What?
When was the last time you denied yourself something? If you’re anything like me that’s a hard question to answer. I am not in the business of denying myself much of anything. I am able to figure out a reason to get just about anything that I want, when I want it. It doesn’t really matter what it is. How about you?
Spiritual Practice Part 4: The Thing About Time
I take a few minutes and discuss the importance of time for spiritual growth.
When the Holidays Aren't Happy
The holiday season brings so many expectations. Expectations of joy, happiness, and fun. Every social media post seems to be a record of someone’s perfect and wonder filled holiday.
Yet, for many the holiday season is a time of pain, sadness, and heartache.
A Dealership and Disciplines
Why do we engage the disciplines of spiritual practice?
I will never forget the experience of going to work for my dad. I was pretty excited because my name was on the building and I assumed that I would get to work some cushy easy job and make the big bucks.
I was very, very wrong.
Spiritual Practice 3: Truth Of The Matter
Dan discusses the role that truth plays in our spiritual practice and growth.